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Does the child cry non-stop when they are a little dissatisfied?

SourceFamily Dynamic, Psychotherapist, Lai Shun Mei

Sometimes, children may cry when they are slightly dissatisfied, and parents may have tried different methods to comfort their children, but the children still cry from time to time. This may make parents feel tired, helpless, and even annoyed. In fact, children’s crying is usually a way of expressing their
emotions. Because their language is not yet developed enough to convey a complete story, their own feelings, and some thoughts, they will use the most direct or fastest way to seek help when they are unhappy, which is to cry, just like when they were infants.

Let’s not assume that just because children can walk, talk, and go to school, we need to talk to them more about reasoning. In fact, in the preschool years, parents should provide more emotional support to their children. Maslow, a well-known psychologist, came up with the five-level theory of human needs. The levels are physiological, safety, social, esteem, and self-actualization. As children’s cognitive development matures, they have already reached the third level of social needs, which is love and a sense of belonging. 

At this time, they need to feel the care and love from people around them, and they begin to recognize their own emotions. Therefore, if parents can help them express their emotions and thoughts, not only will their language skills improve, but their social needs will also be met.

When we see a child crying, we as parents can say something like this to them: “You seem very unhappy; maybe you don’t like it when mommy talks to you in a harsh tone.” “Your little brother took your toy without asking, which made you angry.” If you can speak accurately to the child’s
feelings, they will quickly nod and stop crying. Over time, they will learn to use other means to express themselves instead of crying.

Some parents may wonder why their usually talkative kids can’t say what they’re feeling when they’re sad. This is because emotions can affect rational thinking. If I asked you to give a speech on stage right now, how would you feel? You may feel nervous or even a little scared, and if I don’t give you time to prepare, you may not be able to say a word. You can see that emotions can affect adults, let alone children.

So, as parents, we should first calm down and then carefully watch and try to figure out why our kids are crying. Then, put yourself in their shoes and express your thoughts and emotions. This way, the child will not cry anymore.

What are the reasons why children are slow at doing their homework?

SourceDr Hui Lung Kit     

Whether for children or parents, doing homework is the biggest problem. Even during the summer break, many parents find it a headache. Parents often fight with their children, which worsens their relationship. In fact, there are three main reasons for slow homework. 

First, excessive activity. At home, children frequently run around, climb up and down, and run from the bathroom to the kitchen, then to their room. They never stop, like a motorcycle moving around. Imagine how painful it is to make them do their homework. If you give them a table and chair, they will never sit still. When they finally settle down, they keep fidgeting and moving their bodies, like they have ants in their pants.

To start doing homework, they pick up the pen and say they need to go to the bathroom, then say they need to pee, poop, or that they are hungry and need to eat something. They always have an excuse to leave the chair. It usually takes them 1 to 2 hours to settle down to do homework, which is called excessive activity. Children who are excessively active will definitely do their homework slowly, not because they are slow, but because they need more time to settle down.

For older children, like middle school students or upper elementary school students, they may not necessarily run around, but they often shake their legs, constantly shaking to the point where the whole table is moving. For example, they may spin their pen around and around. Don’t underestimate this leg shaking, pen spinning, and body moving actions; they are actually symptoms of hyperactivity. 

Secondly, they have weak concentration. Children with insufficient concentration may be able to sit down, but they stare at you like a cloud, daydreaming, completely unaware of what they are doing. They hold a pencil and look at their homework, but they are just looking at it and can never absorb the first question. So they may be able to sit down, but they will always stay on the first question, constantly distracted by phone calls or doorbells, and they can never focus.

Some parents have complained to us that if it is a hyperactive child, they will need to walk around in the first hour, and children with poor concentration will be daydreaming for the first hour, and it will take until the second hour before they can continue, and they will do it very slowly.

Thirdly, weak reading and writing ability. You may have heard of reading and writing disorders, which are more severe cases. However, some children do not have reading and writing disorders, but their reading and writing abilities are weak. This includes Chinese, English, and mathematics, including reading and writing. It seems difficult for them to read and spell, and they can never seem to remember simple words. Writing is always reversed; left and right are reversed, just like in a mirror, and some even turn things upside down.

These types of children can sit still and will do so when asked. They can also concentrate well. But what happens? They will sit and do their homework, but they will sweat profusely while doing so. However, after completing their work, every question is wrong, and they cannot remember or understand anything. This may be due to reading and writing problems, which can slow down their homework.

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Learn English from games without difficulty

Source:
Speech therapist, Miss Carley

 

Often, we want children to learn English vocabulary, which may be difficult and boring for them. In fact, parents can try to create some simple games for children to learn these English words through the process of playing.

 

The first game is called “Covering the Card.” It is similar to the card game we usually play. Parents can write some words that children need to learn on white paper and draw more sheets with laughing faces. How do I play it? To begin, we must mix the cards and distribute them evenly to each player; for example, each parent and child will receive four cards. Then, take turns playing the top card. For example, if this card is drawn, read out the word, explain its meaning, and use the word in a sentence. But if a laughing face is drawn, the player needs to quickly slap the card. If the player is slower, they must take all the cards and keep them in their hands. The player with no cards in their hand wins.

 

 

The second game is called “passing three levels.” It is actually similar to the game we usually play, but this time we have pre-written some vocabulary words in the nine squares. Then, we take turns with the child to draw some crosses or circles. For example, if I draw a cross here, I need to read, explain, and make a sentence with the vocabulary word in this square. Then it’s the parent’s turn; they might use a circle, just like in “passing three levels.” The first person to connect three cards in a straight-line win.

The third game is a memory matching game. Parents can write some Chinese characters that children need to learn on white paper and write each character twice. Parents can randomly place pairs of word cards on the table. Then parents can ask the children to take a look and remember them, and then flip the cards over. Parents and children take turns flipping over two cards. If they match, the child is asked to use the word to make a sentence, explain its meaning, and read it out loud.

To love children, first to love themselves,
3 moves to teach you to maintain the best mental state

Parenting Tips

system

Written by :Family Dynamics Child Play Therapist
                   Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi

In today’s society, it is indeed not easy for parents to maintain a good state of mind and body. I have met with many parents and found that the difficulty most parents face is not that they do not understand their children’s feelings and needs, or that they do not know how their behavior affects their children, but that it is difficult to maintain a trusting and optimistic attitude towards their children when they are in a situation. Often, parents become increasingly anxious as they worry that their child’s problems will continue and worsen, and repeat ineffective ways of dealing with their child’s problems.

So, how can parents maintain the best mental state to face the stress and challenges of disciplining their children? Here are some tips for parents to consider:

1. Be more sensitive to your own stress levels
Parents are human beings, so there will be times when they are depressed or physically and emotionally exhausted. The purpose of parents being sensitive to their own mental state is to remind themselves that they need to take care of their own needs first. It is difficult for parents to be sensitive and responsive to the needs of their children when they are in a highly stressed state. Conversely, inappropriate responses may harm the child and damage the parent-child relationship.

2. Use resources effectively to relieve stress
When parents feel stressed, they should try to explore and make good use of their own internal and external resources to regulate their negative emotions. For example, find family members or friends to talk to, do things that can relax you, and find positive thoughts and beliefs to encourage you. The purpose is to give yourself a proper rest and temporary relief from stress.

3. Turn your mind around and reflect
If a parent’s stress continues and increases, professional help is needed. Sometimes, these pressures come from more than just external influences. Parents’ self-worth, worldview, and perceptions of things can affect how we parent. For example, some parents worry that they are not doing enough to fulfill their parental responsibilities and end up pushing their children to study or participate in activities, or even that they are not flexible enough to respond to their children’s needs when they are stressed and negative.

If parents are aware of and take care of their own feelings and needs, they can prevent their negative emotions from affecting the next generation.

Therefore, parents who love their children must first love themselves. Only when parents are healthy and happy can their children grow up healthy and happy.

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Parents Zone

Drawings peek into the inner world of children

Parenting Tips

system

Written by: Unleashing Mind Professional Counselling Academy
Psychotherapist Lee Wai-Tong

Painting can give us room to express our feelings. I use a brush to create a dialogue with myself in another language, soothing my emotions or gaining insight and unlocking my heart.

Crying over trivial stuff

In my past child counseling sessions, some parents came to me for help. They did not understand why their son, Ming, often cried over trivial things, such as being late for TV, late for dinner, or when his father came home late, etc. They mentioned the situation to Ming, but they did not understand why, which caused them trouble. Therefore, I suggested conducting a drawing assessment for Ming to understand the environment in which Ming grows up in his mind, which may help to understand the reason why Ming loves to cry.

Drawing reveals the reason for crying

Ming drew a “family story”. While drawing, he expressed his feelings that his parents were busy with work all day, so he often played alone at home. When his parents came home, Ming wanted to play with them, but his father soon became impatient. In Ming’s mind, it seems that his father is always angry; whenever his mother sees this situation, she will argue with him. In Ming’s eyes, his mother always looks sad when she argues with his father. In Ming’s mind, he knew that his parents loved him, but when he saw that his father was angry and his mother was sad because of him, he felt sad.

A peek into the inner world through paintings

Later, I met with Ming’s parents again. They never imagined that the quarrel in front of Ming was deeply engraved in their son’s heart. In addition, the father also found that his tiredness after work affected the quality of parent-child interaction. In this regard, I taught the father some relaxation methods and suggested setting up a “calm zone” at home to give everyone a space to relieve their emotions, and the parents promised to avoid arguing in front of Ming.
A month later, Ming no longer cried over trivial matters and the parent-child relationship was better than before. Painting can reflect children’s inner world view. In the process of creation, children project their inner world intentionally or unintentionally, so that we can understand their inner world and help them grow up healthily.

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